I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
