Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
