im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
