Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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