Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
