She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
