Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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