idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
