Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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