um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
