I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
