I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
