I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My pussy is not your playground.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
