I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
