So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
COCAINE IS GR8
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
