Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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