i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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