So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
