well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
