it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
