I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
