dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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