in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
