I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
