we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
