so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
