you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you will always have a special place in my vag
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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