craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
