so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
