Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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