So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
