at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
