Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
