as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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