What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
