If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
