I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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