I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
