its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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