He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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