I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
