Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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