Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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