Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
