I'm jealous of your bromance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
