Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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