Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
