He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
