she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
