Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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