I am puke
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
