Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Found the puke drawer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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