there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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