I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
