I wish my penis had an off switch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
