fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
