put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
