You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she told me i tasted like america
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
