Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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