Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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