I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize