If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
