I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
