I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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