I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
