The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
