i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
