I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
