What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
