Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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