I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
