I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
