if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
