Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
